wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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