he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
