Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
