i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I'm having to shit out rocks
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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