I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
