I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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