she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize