I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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