They should really pass out barf bags in church
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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