There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize