I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
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