i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize