i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
