Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
