An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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