we have pet lesbian snakes
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
