How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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