do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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