We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
