if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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