Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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