Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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