yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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