never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
