I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
