i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
