Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
