is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
