just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
