Have you finally orgasmed yet?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize