i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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