that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
