Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
