i permit you to call me
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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