You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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