He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
