did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
