hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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