My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
