My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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