Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
