so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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