question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
