It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
