I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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