she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
How does it feel to date your dad?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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