I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize