I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I wish you could order shots online.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Randomize
