it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
