Im at strip club and am horny
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
