they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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