is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
