You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You need Xanax blowdarts
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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