11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
