see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
The adults are the big ones right?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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