One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize