mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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