i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
