definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
