I bet he comes in French.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
