Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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