Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize