He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
