First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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