I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
