My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
