How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
