everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
