I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
