Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
