So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
