Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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