New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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