You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
