if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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