There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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