____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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