There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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