Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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