so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
