Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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