i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
