you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize