i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
