I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
