something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
