and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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