shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Panties = found
Randomize
