Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
