i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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