my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
