we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
