Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Randomize
