He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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